Something wicked this way comes to Saints Row 4.

There is a storm coming, and nestled gently inside the eye of this storm, is the upcoming flood of over-the-top comedy filled action games. Saints Row fired the first shot, a shot unanswered for several years. Farcry 3: Blood Dragon fired the second shot. It’s only a matter of time until Call of Duty takes a giant leap off the top floor and into the kiddie pool. Until then, we thankfully have enough time to play another Volition masterpiece.

Do not mistake Saints Row 4 for being the DLC abortion glued back together again that some would lead you believe. Saints Row 4 is a shining beacon as bright as a golden glittered, rune ornamented, breathtakingly endowed codpiece. It knows not only what is fun gameplay, but it knows the style and elegance that most games of its type lack.

Most importantly though, it knows the true power fantasy that lies buried deep within the hearts of men and women. You don’t just want to beat the man, you want to be the man. You want to be a stylin’, profilin’, limousine ridin’, jet flyin’, kiss stealin’, wheelin’, dealin’, son of a gun!

In this video you’ll see all the powers endowed to the President of the United States. Powers such as one-man drone strikes, super speed and strength, and telekinesis. I have it on good authority that these are actual powers given to US presidents like Barack Obama and Ronald Reagan. In fact, word on the street is Ronald Reagan isn’t dead. He’s just resting comfortably, biding his time to reveal his immortality.

Saints Row 4 is the story the government doesn’t want you to know about. And it’s coming to a console toy and personal computing device near you on August 23rd. This article will self-destruct in five seconds. Thanks, Obama!